The Thought of Being Happy: Chapter 5

A/N: I tried to be less dramatic in this chapter and actually make things happen, as opposed to dragging the story on and on without any major occurrences since one of my best friends said that it was getting kinda boring what with only minor exaggerated things going on. So, I hope this is better? Again, thank you sososososososososososo much for the help and support, and I'm really sorry I kept you guys waiting again.

Alsooooooooooo, Happy birthday !! I hope you have a great day!

Possession

Masky didn’t know how, but somewhere in between sobbing and falling asleep, Jack had found his way onto Hoody’s bare chest.

He had climbed on at Hoody’s request, slipping easily into unconsciousness after just a few minutes. Hoody had fallen asleep too, and by the time that he had noticed, he found that he was also beginning to drift off.

Jack snored softly in his sleep, his clawed hands baring a furious grip on the covers. Beneath him, Hoody lay half naked under the soft kitten imprinted sheets, which he had insisted upon retrieving from Jack’s room for comfort purposes, along with a tattered stuffed bear.

Their position on Hoody’s bed looked rather compromising from what Masky could gather. What with Jack being much taller than Hoody, his slim lanky form looked awkward sprawled on top of his much smaller and even slimmer one. However, despite this, Jack looked content, as if it was where he was meant to be.

Something in Masky’s stomach churned, rising in his gut and pushing at his tightening chest, and again, this alien feeling rose, shooting through him, followed by the familiar burning feeling of dry ice. He remained quiet, however.

Hoody stirred, grunting as his face contorted into something he couldn’t really decipher.

Nightmares.

They had plagued the both of them ever since they’d become proxies. It came with the job, they supposed. Masky handled them better than Hoody did, having had them his entire life, he usually slept through them, albeit not soundly, but he was able to cope. However, in cases where Hoody’s nightmares became too much for him, he would wake up violently, flailing until he tumbled off of his bed and scrambled over to Masky’s side.

Eventually, he would gather the courage to shake him awake, his eyes wide and pleading.

Masky would sigh and move farther to the right, frowning when he felt two shaky arms wrap around his torso and pull closer to him.

He would never admit to sleeping calmly with Hoody tucked neatly by his side.

Hoody would often vent to him, babbling on and on about everything and anything on his mind, sometimes talking so fast that his tongue would start to hurt and go numb, and he would proceed to talk about the painful throbbing in his skull from talking for so long without rest.

His droning would slowly bubble down into incoherent murmurs, his vice-like grip softening as he drifted off.      

Masky remembers one night in particular that stuck with him.

Hoody had sighed, snaking his arms around his neck and tucking his head beneath his chin, pulling him closer before mumbling, “Thank you...that helped a lot…”

Hoody’s soft, persistent, dog-like whines tore him from his flashback, and he sighed, pushing himself to his feet and stepping towards the bed for a closer inspection.   

Masky let a warm, comforting hand gently scratch his partners head, and took a moment to relish the way his features twitched and softened under the rhythmic touch.

Hoody nuzzled into his palm, tilting his head slightly to the side to expose his thin, almost feminine neck.

Masky had always stressed his partner’s health. After all, the bond that they shared as proxy partners was forever. Partner’s stuck together no matter what, separation caused...bad things. Often illness.

“You feel what your partner feels,” the Operator had explained, “You are a single entity swimming within two separate beings. You make each other whole.”

And Masky always feels it, he feels when Hoody’s upset, he feels when Hoody’s stressed, and he feels when Hoody’s lonely. It’s physically and emotionally draining in and of itself.

Sometimes, all he wants to do is curl up by Hoody’s side and just press himself close, take in his soothing scent, assure himself that he’s real and not just a figment, that he’s still there for him. There are times when Masky feels restless, and needs to have his partner nearby.

His bones often ache for the chance to protect, his head constantly pounds with the heavy weight of want, never had he wanted something so fiercely. Never had he felt so empty, and sick, and pained than when he wasn’t directly by Hoody’s side, and never had he felt so calm and collected, so complete, and so relieved than when he allowed himself to ease up just enough to be able slip into Hoody’s warm, embracive arms shamelessly. He could sit and stay there for a while, not thinking, not talking, just sitting, breathing, shielded with the love and affection that he had been denied the right to feel for as long as he could remember.

But he was silent, always.

Just like his partner, he never ate much, and he rarely got a full-nights rest. However, Hoody took it to an extreme, often going days without proper sustenance, compromising with occasional snacks and foul energy drinks that keep him up and running night after night, where Masky watches him fidget in place and vibrate with an unspoken sense of overwhelming dread, and fear.

Aside from the short-lived naps that Hoody would reluctantly smooth into (which only ever happened in the daytime near the comfort of carefully picked out sunlit spots) and the rare times they slept together, Hoody’s never fallen asleep on his own. Masky had never witnessed him willingly get into his own bed, alone, and go to sleep. (Jeff, go away)

Darkness was one of the many, many things that made the both of them uncomfortable.

Hoody woke up with a snort, his shoulders twitching upwards unnaturally as he rolled his neck in a shrug. Masky’s eyebrows raised, though he wasn’t surprised that Hoody had awoken so abruptly.

He continued to run his fingers through his partner’s hair lazily, watching as his eyes flickered and locked with his own, "Hey,” Masky began quietly, “how’re you feeling?”

Hoody shrugged and smiled, leaning towards the touch, “Good, I suppose.”

Hoody had been the one to suggest the removal of his clothing, he had wanted Jack to feel warmer, and decided that the only way to do so was to get into bed with him, not that Jack had complained, or even tried to object.

Something about that made Masky squirm.

“- Are...you alright? You seem...disturbed.”

Reluctantly, Masky nodded, “M’fine. How’s uh...how’s Jack?” he asked, motioning towards the limp proxy in his arms.

Hoody grinned, “He is doing...better. I was able to bring his fever down. Right now, all he needs is some rest and affection, and that is exactly what I aim to give him.”

Masky’s chest tightened, and he swallowed, “You’re a good friend. He’s...lucky.”

Just as Hoody was about to speak, a sudden movement on top of him made him pause.

Jack wriggled and sighed gruffly, pressing even closer to him, “Hooooodyyy…” he whined sleepily, tugging on his wrist to gain his attention. Almost reflexively, Hoody ran his fingers along the curve of Jack’s back, softly tracing over his spine. Jack squealed in delight and breathed a long, shaky sigh of relief that made Hoody pause and smile.

Masky understood why Jack would want to be held and cradled by the hooded proxy. He knew first hand how nice and relaxing it felt to be fondled by him. Hoody’s actions were always precise and careful, he knew exactly what every single touch was doing, and in Masky’s opinion, being the center of Hoody’s attention felt like Heaven, although he would never admit it.

“How are you feeling, friend?” Hoody asked quietly, tickling up his neck and running his fingers through his hair in soft, pleasant strokes.

Jack pressed his flushed face into his collarbones, “S’cold…” he mumbled softly, his limbs going limp under Hoody’s hands.

Hoody shot a slightly apologetic look Masky’s way and frowned a little.

Masky narrowed his eyes and grunted a hasty, “I’ll be right back.” before sliding his mask on. Hoody smiled after him and mouthed a tiny ‘thank you’ as he hugged Jack even closer (if possible) to his body. Masky grumbled, waved a hand in his direction, and slammed the door behind him, with just a little more force than necessary.

Hoody and Jack lay there for a good few minutes, arms loosely tangled around each others waists, and

After a while of silence, Jack’s raspy voice sounded against Hoody’s chest, “You’re the best...y’know that?”

Hoody laughed, “I am well aware.”

Jack frowned, “No, really. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me...”

Hoody didn’t speak for a moment, “What do you mean by that, Jack?”

“You’re just the best, okay? You talk to me...and take care of me...and you’re funny...nice...n’ caring...and you look good, and sound good…,” he inhaled deeply, “and you smell really good, too…Like, really good...” Jack grinned and wrapped his arms around Hoody’s neck, closing his eyes, “You’re just so fucking awesome.”

Hoody shuffled uncomfortably beneath him, “Jack…”

“No! It’s true, Hoody!” Jack lifted his head up, “You’re always saying that you’re not anything special, but you are. You’re my best friend, and you’re amazing, okay? Everything about you is amazing, and everything you do is amazing, too. You’re always so calm, and sweet, and quiet, and caring, everyone always takes advantage of that. You’re special.”

“Thank you, Jack. You are special, too.”

“You’re more special.”

“You.” Hoody prodded the top of his nose.

Jack stretched out over him and whined, “Yooouuu.”

Hoody snorted, pulling Jack upwards so that his head could rest on his shoulder. He enjoyed the dynamic they had. It was playful and fun, and it gave them both a chance to just be normal for a little while. No running, no filming, no codes, just talking. Nice and simple, just the way Hoody liked it.    

Hoody brushed his knuckles softly over Jack's firm back, watching as the eyeless proxy melted once more.

Jack sighed and whispered, “I missed this.”

“This?”

“You know...talking to you, laughing...everything’s just been really shitty lately…and you’re the only one I feel safe enough to talk to...but...you're always busy now...you don't have time for me anymore..." Jack murmured against his chest, "We used to hang out all of the time, but now...all you do is talk about Masky...n' I'm sick of it...for once, I wanna hear about how I made your day, how much you’ve been wanting to see me...he doesn't deserve you...I miss you so much, it actually hurts, Hoody. It’s genuinely painful being so far away from you all of the time. ‘N I just really wish I could fix it...”

Hoody's heart clenched, and he sighed, "Jack, you must understand, Masky is my partner, there is a reason that the Operator put us together."

"Does that mean there's a reason I'm alone, too?" Jack grunted bitterly.

Hoody winced and shook his head, "No, Jack. I'm sure that you'll be paired up with someone soon."

"Then why hasn't it happened yet? Is it because I'm not compatible with anyone?”

"No, Jack. You are a wonderful proxy. I am sure of that. I honestly have no clue why you do not have a partner yet.” he paused, “Perhaps you can ask Seed Eater if he would like to move in with you? I'm sure he'd appreciate the company." he smiled against his neck.

“I guess…”

Suddenly he realised why Jack had been acting up, why he’d been so hostile and violent towards others throughout recent weeks.

It’s always been apparent to him that Jack held an interest towards him, it was obvious. However, he wasn’t aware of just how attached Jack had actually grown. When proxies choose a partner, there’s no going back, it just happens. But for the bond to be official, the other proxy had to give consent, Hoody had become his partner involuntarily, and this wasn’t something he could just pull Jack out of by saying ‘no’. He had unofficially become his anchor, the one thing in his life that could keep him from losing control. That was essential to all proxies, big or small, cyber or not, an anchor. Someone to hold them in place, to keep them stable.

Hoody knew what it felt like to have limits, to constantly bite back words, refrain from touching, and It all made sense.

For proxies, physical contact was all it took to calm down, but for some reason, Jack seemed on edge, he looked bothered by something. It was as if being pressed so close only made him want more. Like he was just beyond the reach of something, if only he could grab it. Hoody knew what it was, he knew, he knew it was the exact same thing he had had the patience and self-control to stop himself from doing for years, he knew it was the exact same thing he had tried once, and gotten scolded for, and he knew he could provide it for Jack.

Hoody tentatively reached forward and cupped Jack’s face, rubbing a thumb over his temple and smoothing his ruffled mane in reassurance, hoping to comfort his friend the only way he knew how.

Jack lowered his head and sighed, “I just want you back…” he finally whispered, defeated.  

“Friend?...Are you...alright?”

“...no.” Jack spoke in a tiny, trembling voice.

Hoody stilled, suddenly feeling guilt creeping up on him, “Jack? I’m going to do something, okay? I’m going to do this once, and only once, because I understand what you are going through, and I would like to help you. You are my best friend, and I cannot stand to see you like this,” he swallowed, “It’s nothing major.” He was lying.

He shut his eyes tightly and smashed their lips together, and for a brief moment, Jack was tense, the sudden feeling of rough lips pressing against his own was shocking, but soon, he was kissing right back, a sudden pang of adrenaline surging through him as he shot up. He licked at the hooded proxy’s bottom lip, which reluctantly opened for him. It felt alarmingly urgent and needy, and for the longest time, Jack had imagined this moment playing out over and over in his head, and this was just breathtaking. He slid his hand behind Hoody’s head and pushed forward, moaning as he shut his eyes.

For the first time in weeks, he finally felt like himself again. A sudden pressure was lifted off his shoulders, and he sighed, shaking it off. It felt amazing. No longer did he feel frustrated and pent up, no longer was he irritated and on edge, the pounding in his head that had persisted for weeks was finally clearing up.

In that single moment, everything was perfect.

“Are you calm now, friend?” Hoody gasped, his heart thumped even faster as Jack pulled his head forward again, kissing his lips with the same brutal urgency.

Panting, the eyeless proxy fell back on Hoody’s chest. Calm was an understatement, he felt fucking ecstatic.

He buried his nose in Hoody’s neck, a sudden urge taking over, he wanted to protect, he needed to. There was no doubt about it, Hoody had to be protected at all costs. He couldn’t lose the one person that made him happy, he just couldn’t. It would hurt too much.

Jack sniffed him, superhuman attributes making it easy for him to detect the faintest signs of a foreign scent that - unfortunately for him - was all over the hooded proxy. He didn't like it. He inhaled, rubbing his head against his still bare chest, tangling his legs around the other’s waist and pinning him down by the wrists. He snuffled as he nuzzled his neck, nipping his way across his jawline and biting down, hard. Hoody winced, but did nothing, knowing full well what was happening. He tilted his head to expose the rest of his neck, and Jack gladly accepted. He gingerly nosed his way down the trail of pale flesh, pressing his lips lightly against the faded streaks of blue visible on his neck.

For a brief moment, Jack stilled. He looked down at the man beneath him, he looked at his slightly parted lips, rough and thin, a tiny scratch resting above the cracks of chewed skin.

Jack sat himself up on top of the hooded proxy and looked down at the fragile wrist he had pinned underneath his larger hand. He wrapped his fingers around it and stared, and after a moment’s hesitation, brought it up to his mouth. He pressed his lips to the inner part of the proxy’s wrist and stayed there for a while, nibbling and tugging until the spot was dotted in red. Hoody cringed as he bit down, not hard enough to break skin, but enough to feel uncomfortable. When Jack pulled back, the faintest signs of bruising had already begun to appear.

Hoody shuddered as Jack lapped at the tiny wound, flicking his tongue over the sensitive personal mark that he had created.

As he purred contently, he couldn’t help the overwhelming thoughts that flooded into his head. Hoody was letting him do this, without protest. He wasn’t squirming, or telling him to stop, nothing. That meant that they now had a bond, a partner bond. A sudden realization wormed itself into his head, and he let it. It rummaged around and then settled abruptly, and it refused to budge. Bonds were considered sacred, mutual and prized. It was the highest a relationship could be in proxy standards. And now he had it, with the one person he truly cared about. The one person who made him feel safe, and secure, who could coddle him and wrap him in a warm, loving haze. Protect him.

And suddenly, something struck him. Something that made his lips curl, and his fingers twitch  where they were clasped tightly around the hooded proxy’s wrist.

Not only did he belong to Hoody,